Finding Joy: Navigating My Journey to Happiness

As previously mentioned, my upbringing presented significant challenges. I experienced intense dissatisfaction with myself and would expedite my morning routine to minimize time spent in front of the mirror. I would scrutinize myself over minor details that likely went unnoticed by others.

Having been raised in a small conservative town, my knowledge of individuals undergoing transition primarily came from YouTube. I frequently watched videos of various entertainers, dreaming of a life where I could pursue similar paths. This only deepened my feelings of depression and body dysmorphia. Observing these women putting in the effort, I was acutely aware that achieving something similar seemed unattainable in my small-town environment. I distinctly recall my doctor requesting that I step outside to allow her to have a private conversation with my mother. Initially, I felt apprehensive, concerned that she might discuss some of the topics we had covered in confidence. However, I later understood that her intentions were solely to assist me. She informed my mother that I was "different" and conveyed that, in order for me to attain genuine happiness, a change in location would be necessary.

As a 28-year-old transgender woman residing in Florida, I can attest to the accuracy of her advice. While the move itself did not resolve everything, it certainly presented opportunities I had not previously considered. In Florida, I connected with individuals in the drag community, some of whom were also transgender. Engaging with them allowed me to learn from their experiences and receive guidance on the steps necessary for my own journey. I embarked on this journey in July 2023, and nearly two years into hormone replacement therapy (HRT), I have experienced an incredible increase in happiness.

If I had the opportunity to go back in time, I would reassure my younger self by saying, "It's going to be okay. You will emerge from this experience much stronger, and you will appreciate the outcome." I am genuinely grateful to be here today and relieved that my past suicide attempts were not successful. I can now look in the mirror and admire the woman reflected back at me.

If you find yourself contemplating whether suicide is the solution, I assure you, it is not. I understand that when people tell you "it's going to be okay," you might think, "how would they know, they're not experiencing what I am," and that may be true to some extent. However, regardless of how difficult things may seem right now, suicide is never the answer. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. From my own experience, when I believed I had reached rock bottom, I discovered that rock bottom had a basement.

We encourage you to contact 988 via call or text. This is a confidential helpline. Although it may feel as though assistance is unavailable, rest assured that support is indeed accessible. The world is a beautiful place, and you deserve to experience it.

Each life lost to suicide is one too many.