Knowing Your Worth, and Accepting It

Does anyone else find themselves grappling with self-worth issues? I often depend on others' opinions to feel confident and attractive. For a long time, I had a "friend" whose opinion was incredibly important to me, to the extent that I ignored all the evident red flags. This individual was the first person I ever came out to, and I mistakenly believed they were my safe confidant.

I consistently prioritized this individual's needs, whether they were experiencing a breakup or dealing with depression. However, when I required support, they did not reciprocate in the same manner. In retrospect, the warning signs were evident, but one tends to overlook them when seeking someone's approval.

After relocating to Florida, I found myself feeling happier than ever, or at least that's what I convinced myself to believe. This individual visited Florida with my parents for New Year's, accompanied by their boyfriend. I was thrilled at the prospect of spending time with them and having the opportunity to show them around my new home. However, unbeknownst to me, this week would mark the beginning of the end of our friendship. Her boyfriend had an aversion to me due to my sexual orientation, a warning sign we chose to overlook, as I was eager to enjoy a week with my best friend.

The week commenced positively, with harmonious interactions among everyone. We engaged in games and enjoyed days at the beach. However, around the second or third night, disagreements began to arise over trivial matters. Accustomed to being a secondary priority in this individual's life, I chose to overlook the situation and continued with the week's activities.

Several years later, they became engaged. I was genuinely happy for her, having supported her through difficult times, and was eager to celebrate her happiness. However, my enthusiasm was dampened when I received a phone call from her regarding the wedding dress code. She mentioned that there had been discussions about how my choice of a feminine outfit had negatively impacted my brother's wedding, and she wanted to prevent a similar situation at her own. This news was truly devastating and significantly hindered my progress in embracing my true identity. It led me to reevaluate our friendship and brought to light all the red flags I had previously ignored. I was uncertain about how to proceed, especially since I had already purchased my plane ticket to return home. Following a phone conversation with my sister-in-law and brother, I was reassured that I was not considered an obstacle at their wedding. It became clear that these claims were fabricated by someone attempting to validate their own perspective.

I traveled home and enjoyed a wonderful week with family and friends who consistently affirmed my inherent beauty. During this time, I ceased all communication with the individual. If I am not accepted in your life as I am, that is your decision to make and accept.

A year later, the first communication I received from this individual involved her justifying her feelings. She stated that it was her wedding, and I should have attended, wearing the attire she specified. She emphasized that, as the bride, all attention should have been on her, not me. When I shared my perspective, it was immediately disregarded. Recognizing the conversation as one-sided, I decided to withdraw to preserve my personal growth. Subsequently, the only messages I received were biblical quotes and suggestions of eternal damnation. I eventually decided to block this individual on all platforms, which brought me peace of mind. You chose to remove yourself from my life; this was your decision, and you must accept the consequences.

One valuable lesson I have learned is to prioritize my own expectations over those of others. You possess inherent beauty, and it is your right to live your life according to your own terms. Over the past few years, following this experience, I have developed a profound self-love. By choosing to prioritize myself, I have achieved remarkable outcomes.